Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Kingdom of God Sermon

This is one story that I forgot to write about during lecture phase. We were asked to write about our time when we all had to preach about the Kingdom of God in front of the class. At this time when we were asked to, I was excited to preach, but when the time came to actually preach I was in crisis.

There was a guest here at the castle whom didn't know Jesus and I met him when I was sitting in the prayer room the evening before I had to preach. He was homeless for about a month and at this time in his life without hope. He point blank asked me, "why do you believe in Jesus? Everyone says they can feel God around them and feel Jesus, but I feel nothing."

I quickly summed up a multitude of correct answers which explained the gospel and how God talked to me, but none of them came from my heart. As I was speaking to this boy, I realized I was asking the same questions the boy asked to myself. From that moment on and till the very moment I had to preach I was in a state of complete darkness, ignorant to the fact of such measure I was under spiritual attack that God allowed to happen by the way, (in then end it strengthened me.) I partially completed everything I wanted to say for my sermon and then just sat down. I was so wrapped up in what the boy said, I believed it too, why do I believe in God if I don't always feel Him? I don't always feel Him, how do I know that its the truth and not just a figment of my mind. These weren't tiny little doubts I had in my head, but serious consideration that what if everything I believed in was a lie, how can I prove God exists? With what physical, scientific measures do I know He exists. If I believe this Christianity is the truth with what if not physical measures, but logic can I back this up?

It was one of the darkest, most painful experiences I have had, not physically, but spiritually and psychologically. You don't have to go to hell to experience what life with out God is like, that itself is hell on earth.

I was seriously considering not believing in God, because I couldn't feel Him or when I called out to Him He never showed me a sign He was real, I couldn't prove it. I met my match with God at this time and read a scripture, one of my favourites, Hebrews 11:1 " Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. "

At this moment I realized it was a choice, God wasn't going to spoon feed all of the answers. God constanly gives me answers and direction, but because I doubt the smallest requests of God I have to really search out His heart for my life to be able to listen and have attuned ears to the Holy Spirit. God is not always a God of good feelings or satisfaction, but a God of truth that knows way more about logic and Himself than I do. I have to accept at some point some things I will never be able to explain. In Hebrews 11:3 & 6 it explains this further, " By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God's command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible...And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewads those who earnestly seek him. "



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