Submit to Him (week 3)

Today, ( which was yesterday) rocked my world. I was in teaching as we did worship, towards the end and just had this feeling of pressure. I felt all day like I had so much pressure and passion, like a faucet turned on full, but with a cap on it. I tried praying from the heart in nation's prayer and found myself praying with my head and double thinking every word I said. We prayed for Germany and all the corruption in all the land, and it was very moving, but I felt like I couldn't do anything through my prayers. I had all these things bundled up inside me and I felt I had no way to express them during teaching and worship. Finally, I just burst and simply said that God was beautiful, and I broke down crying, it was at the time very irritating! I felt like I was just blubbering all over the place in this YWAM castle enough, is enough. I was so mad at God, I expressed this in words saying how I hated how He made me feel, and it was true, I did hate it. I hated how he made me feel, just feel His love, His power, and not be able to control how I expressed it! I was utterly and uncontrollably vulnerable. I got down on my knees and felt utter submission to Him, but I wasn't low enough I felt my cheek reach the floor and I lay down with my palms to the ceiling in complete submission to His love. 

I have never known weakness to be a strength, but in that moment my weakness was made perfect through God the Father who loves me. I actually accept it and believe, He loves me and believes in me and thinks the world of me. I over came thoughts and issues, through father figures, that have been effecting me since I was a kid, in that moment. I have been taught through father figures to not trust people, to not share, to be wary of everyone of every person, because people are powerful and some are evil and I release that power that those lies have over me on this day! 

I don't understand it, His unsurmountable love, but thats what makes Him God and me human. I am reminded of this verse, 2 Corinthians 12:8-9, " Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But He said to me, ' My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'" Now, every time I panic and go down that spiral, I am reminded not to worry about it. Its okay to be vulnerable, to be weak, God's power is made perfect in my weakness. 

I never thought sharing this with people, with you, would be the right choice of action, but God has placed people in my life to support me and grow with me in God. God doesn't want me to be so strong that I think I can do it on my own, to bottle up the important things and only share when I am about to burst. To only share to people who receive the brunt end of my emotions, and don't understand why I am so anxious, or angry. I don't need to bottle anything, I just need to give it to God and really what can people do to me? What does it matter if others know my weaknesses, if only they are going to harm me God will protect me. What can anyone do to me if God, Almighty, Creator of heaven and earth loves me, believes in me and desires to see my life through to His purposes. What really can you do to me? My weakness only means God has more space to work through me, I pray that I am forever weak, so He may always work in me. The joy of the Lord is my strength.